Voldy's Boy Band!
by Missglitterystars
Summary: Voldemort decides to start a boy band!
1. His Next Evil Plan

Author's Note: I don't own anything!

Summary: Voldemort wants to start a boyband!

Voldemort was sitting in his chair, bored as usual. He was trying to discover what his next evil plan was.

"I need to do my evilness," he thought, "Must be evil. Evillllllllll. Since the dinosaur nuggets have failed me. I'm moving on."

Draco came in rocking out to some music and he was singing along. "THAT'S IT! I WILL HAVE A BOY BAND!" he yelled.

Draco was startled and fell on his butt. "Ouch," he whimpered, "Wait a minute…a boy band? Aren't you a little old for that?"

"Get over it," Voldemort pointed and laughed.

Draco muttered some curse words.

"LUCIUS!" called Voldemort.

"More nuggets?" asked Lucius as he magically appeared.

"NO! I have my next evil plan!"

"I'll round up the death eaters!"

Everyone gathered for the dark lord's next plan. "I want to start a boy band."

"OMG!" screamed Snape, "Can I be the bad boy? Or the boy next door?"

"How about no?" Voldemort laughed.

"Aww!" Snape pouted.

"How about me?" grinned Lucius, "I can be the youngest of the group."

Draco said, "I can be the smooth and sexy factor of the group."

"How about no?" Snape snapped, "I'm way sexier then you are."

"Don't you dare compare your sexyfulness to my son! I'm the hottest!" yelled Lucius, "He gets his looks from me you fools!"

"Auditions will be in two weeks! PREPARE FOR MUSICALNESS!" Voldemort laughed.

Voldemort put together a flyer. He was looking for four to five men and each would have to have their own personality. This was going to be the greatest evil plan ever! They would take over the world with their music.


	2. The Singing Fest Begins

Author's note: I don't own anything!

Voldemort sat at a Judging table with Bellatrix and Narcissa and somehow Voldemort had bribed Ron Weasley to be a judge. "Right so here is the deal! I'm looking for four to five bootylicious dudes to be in my band. It's gonna be the hottest boy band ever!" he explained

Bellatrix and Narcissa nodded, while Ron was distracted by a delicious sausage that Narcissa was eating. "Can I have some?" he asked.

"No," she icily stated.

He curled up into a little ball and rocked himself back and forth.

"Right so first up it says here that we have Severus Snape!"

Snape entered the judging room wearing shades and a leather jacket and leather pants. "So, who are you?" Voldemort asked pretending to not know who Snape was.

"I'm Severus Snape, and I'm the total ladies man," he grinned as he pulled out a brush and slicked his hair back.

Voldemort was staring at Snape's six pack. "When did you get that?" Ron asked.

"There are many things you don't know about your professor Ron," Snape smiled.

"Okay so if you were in my band? What would you like to sing?" Voldemort asked.

"Anything! I have a voice that is so smooth, the ladies will love it," bragged Snape.

"All right, enough chatter, sing for us Snapey," Narcissa giggled.

Snape took a moment and then broke out into song:

"GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL OF MY HEARRRRRRRRRRRT! I LOVE YOU!!!! YEAH BABY OHHHHH!

YOU ARE MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE MY LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LOVEEEEEEE YOU!"

Snape had a smooth voice and it brought everyone to tears, including Voldemort. "That was so beautiful," Voldemort sobbed.

Bellatrix stared at Snape and asked, "Since when could you sing?"

Narcissa was fanning herself because his song set her on fire. Ron was cheering. "We will get back to you asap," Voldemort smiled.

Snape walked out of the room and back to the castle. "I think he made it into the band," Voldemort clapped.

"Who else is up today for auditioning?" asked Bellatrix.

"It says here next is Draco Malfoy!" Ron read to himself.

Draco strutted in and was dressed like he was going to a ballroom dance. He had a nice tux on and had a smile plastered on his face. "Can you resist this?" he asked as his hands smoothed his tux from top to bottom.

"Yeah I can," Ron said.

Narcissa ran up to her son and tried to fix his tie. "You messed it up my little Drakey Poops!"

"MOM STOP! You're embarrassing me!"

The Dark lord was filming the whole thing. "This is so going to be put up on the internet!" he chuckled.

Bellatrix was shaking her head and Ron was trying not to laugh. "Right so Narcissa! We have auditons, can this wait?" Bellatrix asked.

"Sorry," she sat down.

Voldemort stared at Draco and said, "You said I was too old to be in a boy band."

"I apologize my lord."

"Well aren't you a little too young to be in a boy band?"

"No!" Draco pleaded, "I'm old enough! I can be the boy soprano!"

Draco started to sing:

"I LIKE CHEESE! I LIKE CHEESE! I LOVE CHEEESE!"

Voldemort covered his ears, while Narcissa was clapping along with Draco. Ron threw a turkey leg at Draco which hit him square in the head. "NEXT!" Voldemort called.


	3. Ron Becomes Gangsta

Author's note: I don't own anything

Several auditions went on for the next few days. And finally a decision was made. "All right, so let us review who is going to be in this band," Voldemort started the meeting.

Bellatrix and Narcissa nodded while Ron sipped a hot chocolate.

The group was the following:

Voldemort as the group leader, Snape as the bad ass, Lucius Malfoy as the pretty boy, Draco Malfoy as the youngest, and Ron as the gangsta of the group.

"WHAT?" screamed Ron, "I didn't even audition!"

"Magical, am I right?" asked Voldemort.

"I don't even know how to be gangsta!" Ron shouted getting louder and louder.

"You will learn! Narcissa, Bellatrix show him some videos of gangsta rap!" Voldemort requested.

Narcissa and Bellatrix tied Ron down to a chair and subjected him to over five hours of gangsta rap. When it was all over Voldemort tapped Ron on the shoulder. "YO DAWG!" Ron flashed a peace sign.

"Well that worked," Bellatrix laughed.

BOOM! Harry Potter busted into the door. "LET ME IN YOUR BAND!" he demanded.

"How about no!" Voldemort said.

"I'll give you a cookie," begged Harry.

"NO! And besides, the dark side gives out cookies! Fool," added Bellatrix and Narcissa.

"How come Ron is in the band but I can't?" asked Harry.

"Yo fool!" Ron stood up. "Don't be hatin."

Harry's eyes widened. "What did you do to him?" Harry whispered.

"No DAWG, this is how I roll! Word up to yo motha!"

"MY MOTHER IS DEAD!"

Ron flashed Harry a smile and Harry gasped, "Your teeth are gold!"

"This be the shizz son! Grillz is the name," Ron explained.

Bellatrix was laughing so hard she almost peed her pants. Narcissa was applying make up and was too busy to stop and stare. Voldemort was filming. "Okay so I guess I'll go tell the others while you guys are having a Kodak moment," Narcissa walked out.

Loud cheers erupted from the other side of the door and the new band members strutted into the room and struck a pose. Snape had his arms crossed and reaching for the sky. Lucius was kneeling on one knee and one arm on his knee, the other behind his head. Draco was giving a dramatic in the distance look and Ron was flashing a w for the west side. Voldemort lay across the floor in front of them. "Yo dawg? You fart?" asked Ron.

"My bad," laughed Draco.

"It's chill."

Their first photo was taken and Harry was crying in the background cause he didn't get into the band. "Yo H-TOWN!" Ron flashed the west side sign again, "Roll out homie g!"

Harry left crushed.

"Um, what happened to Ron?" asked Draco.

"You got a problem son?" Ron said as he got in Draco's face.

"No…" he whimpered.

"He watched gangsta music videos!" Bellatrix explained.


	4. Crushed Dreams

Author's note: I don't own anything

Voldemort grinned proudly at his band. "I have created a masterpiece!" he giggled.

Ron walked up to Voldemort and shouted, "Sup G!"

"G?"

"SUP GANGSTA!"

"Oh. Nothin I guess…"

"When we gonna start dis shizz? I got homies waitin' and some bizzy named Hermione waitin for her sugga daddy."

Snape looked at Ron. "You're dating Hermione?"

"Oh hell yeah!"

Draco shuddered. "Got a problem?" snapped Ron.

"No," he hung his head.

"I'm out," Ron had a fist in the air and suddenly two women walked with him and escorted him out.

"Where'd they come from?" Lucius stared.

Voldemort shrugged as he walked into a secret rooom. "Where are you going?"

"TO CREATE BAD ASS OUTFITS!" Voldemort announced.

"I want leather!" Snape shouted.

Lucius and Draco looked at each other. "Dad I think you are too old to be in a boy band."

"Are you crushing my only dreams?"

"Are you serious?"

"Are you serious?"

Voldemort came back into the room. "So I've decided…I'm going to let Draco and Lucius off the hook. You guys aren't in the band anymore."

"WHAT?" Draco cried.

Lucius was fuming. "After all that I did for you!"

"Well, I like Ron and Snape better then you two and having a smaller band will be easier to control."

"If that is your wish, I accept it," Lucius bowed.

Lucius and Draco walked out of the building. "We dream our dreams our whole life, and in an instant, they can be crushed," Lucius explained to Draco.

"Dad, what's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Dreaming."

"You've never dreamed?"

"No, I have. I just wanted this inspirational talk to be over! That new wizard cooking show is on and I want to watch it."

Draco ran to go watch some televison. "I swear, someday, Voldemort, you will pay for crushing my dreams!" Lucius muttered.

He broke out in a very evil laugh. "Mwhahahahahahaha" He ran out of breath.

Snape stared and flashed a peace sign.


	5. The Manager

Author's Note: I don't own anything!

"Ron, Snape! Time for our group photo for our album," Voldemort called as he was setting up a camera for their photo shoot.

Snape showed up and suddenly started to walk in slow motion, he whipped his head around and was acting like he was in a shampoo commercial. "I'm sexy! Rawr," he whispered.

"No rawring!"

Then walked in Ron. He wore a black tank top and black jeans. He had on so much bling it was almost blinded. "Sup my squad?" Voldemort and Snape looked at each and then back at Ron. "Um, hi."

"Good day Ron!"

Ron smiled flashing his grills. Suddenly, the doors burst open and a bunch of fan girls came in and were pouncing on Ron. "He's mine!" they all kept yelling. "HE'S MINE!" shouted Hermione.

She was livid. She pulled all the girls off of Ron. "Thanks sweet bunz," he whispered.

"No problem sugary daddy."

Voldemort was going to barf.

"Hermione is gonna be our manager," Ron announced.

Snape fainted as did Voldemort. Hermione was livid….again.


	6. Ron the Gangsta Rapper Opera Singer

Author's Note: I don't own anything!

Hermione stood in front of Voldemort, Snape, and Ron who kept flashing gangsta signs at her. "Now Ro, what did I say about doing that?"

"Yo dawg, sorry."

"Don't call me dog either. Now you guys have a month to come up with a single for the radio. What kind of song were you thinking about doing?"

Voldemort raised his hand. "Yes Lord of Darkness?"

"How about a pop rock slow jam dance techno rap opera song?"

"Voldemort you realize that you just had like ten different song types in there?"

"Yeah I know."

"It's genious! We will so do that. But who can sing opera?"

Ron looked from side to side and whispered, "Not only can this gangsta rap his mad skillz yo! But I can sing opera."

"Let's hear it."

Ron did a dramatic pose and rose from the ground. He started to sing an aria and it brought everyone to the floor. They were captured by the beauty of Ron's opera voice. "He's an angel!" sobbed Voldemort reaching out to touch Ron.

"He's the chosen one!" Snape whispered.

"He's my boyfriend," whispered Hermione.

Draco and Lucius were jealously watching from the window. "How dare they! We will show them! "

Ron finished and everyone wiped away the tears from their eyes. "Ron will be the gangsta rapper/opera singer!" announced Hermione.


	7. Problems

Author's Note: I don't own anything.

"Okay..let's try this again!" sighed Hermione.

Voldemort, Snape, and Ron were all in the recording studio and things weren't going very well. Ron's voice kept cracking whenever he would try to do his opera. Snape's voice was flat and Voldemort wasn't taking directions very well.

"I don't want to do this anymore!" complained Voldemort.

"Look here Voldy!" snapped Hermione, "Do you want to take over the wizard world?"

"Yes."

"You have to start believing in yourself," Hermione continued, "Who was the man who created this band?"

"Me."

"Who was it whose several attempts to take over the world have failed?"

"Me."

"Who wants to sell millions of records and have a huge fan base of screaming teenage witches and wizards?"

"Me."

This went on for several hours and Snape and Ron fell asleep during the inspirational talk.

Suddenly, Voldemort fell to the ground. "Voldy?" asked Hermione.

Voldemort slowly began to rise in the sunlight coming in through the window. Everyone gasped as they looked at him. He struck a dramatic pose and declared, "TOO LONG I'VE BEEN LIVING IN DARKNESS! LET IN THE SUN!"

Suddenly, Ron began to float and somewhere inside of him, the opera returned and he began to sing with all of his heart. Snape was still asleep as he was floating.

That night, the band had played the best they had all day. All it took was a little inspiration.


	8. The First Performance

Author's Note: I don't own anything.

"All right men! Today is the day that you shall be performing live in front of hundreds of fans!" began Hermione as she looked at the men's schedule.

Ron smirked and nodded as he rubbed his gelled back hair. Snape thrust his leather jacket forward and then back to reveal his six pack. Voldemort stared jealously as he rubbed his bald head. "Yo Shorty! After this shizz, you wanna chill up in my crib?" asked Ron.

"Ron, what did I say about our relationship?"

"Yo girl, yo…sorry."

"I said to keep it out of the band related stuff."

"Lovers spat," whispered Snape to Voldemort.

Hermione turned to Snape and snapped, "This isn't a lovers spat."

"Then girl, what is it?" asked Ron.

"Don't make the gangsta cry," pleaded Voldemort, "There's no room for emo in this band."

"I am your manager! I will say what goes on in this band!"

Voldemort shut his mouth. "All right, now go out there and make me proud."

"Where are we performing?" asked Snape.

"Great hall in fifteen minutes."

They all walked to the Great hall and there were hundreds of people gathered to see the band perform. Of course in the front row was Lucius and Draco. They didn't look happy. Snape stuck his tongue out at them and Draco growled. Lucius held his son back and bowed his head.

Before anyone could realize it, it was time for the band to perform. Hermione gave the thumbs up to Filch and he pushed the play button. The music began to play and Ron opened up with a rap.

"Yo sup we be the three wizARDs.

We chill…we roll

We real gangsta."

Then Ron went into an opera solo and everyone stared at him. "OMG!" yelled Draco.

Lucius flung a thong onto the stage and then out of nowhere flowers were thrown onto the stage. Then Voldemort sang:

"I'm not evil

I'm real nice.

Don't say mean stuff or Imma give you lice."

Then Snape repeated what Voldemort said but in a higher pitch.

Everyone was going wild for the band. Hermione gave the guys a thumbs up and their first time performing was a hit.


End file.
